| Art
of Kissing @ Cibol.com |
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The Basics of Kissing for all to learn: |
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Whether
you're new to the whole kissing thing, or
a seasoned pro looking to brush up on the
basics, kissing@cibol covers everything
you need to know for good kissing.
Of course, like all fundamental skills,
you really have to practice to master
them. This guide is not meant as a hard
and fast set of rules for kissing.
Incorporate some of these basics into your
own unique kissing technique. Kissing is a
'personal style' kind of sport... so get
creative!
Choose a topic from the list below to read
more about it. |
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Introduction |
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Kissing@Cibol
is intended to give a brief rundown of the
various issues involved with kissing,
coupled with what is (hopefully!) some
good advice. Remember, there are no RULES
to kissing. Keep what you like, ignore
what you don't. But also remember that
kissing isn't just about you...
it's about you Two.
Kissing is about as personal a pastime as
there is, and hence each person will have
their own style, philosophies, and
'moves.' At the same time, kissing is an exercise
in compromise. Any kisser who is
unwilling to adjust to their partner is...
well... not a very good kisser. Good
kissing is all about finding middle ground
(and the negotiations can be a heck of a
lot of fun!) No one is a good kisser by
themselves... kissing requires cooperation
and teamwork from BOTH PEOPLE.
The best thing to remember when starting
to kiss is to keep things simple. There is
really no need to get carried away with
strange and exotic techniques, nibbling,
biting, groping, etc. etc. etc.,
especially when you're just starting out.
A kiss is generally great no matter how
basic, and everything else just adds
things that can go wrong. Of course,
everything else definitely has its place
(and how!)... but it's really best to start
simple. |
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The LIPS |
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Talking
about simple... where else to start
than... The Lips! The most basic element
of any kiss, in fact vital and inseparable
from the act itself. On a physical level,
take care of your lips. Chapped lips are
no fun at all to kiss. The same goes for
rough, scabbed, or otherwise poor
condition lips. Most of these conditions
can be avoided through the use of a simple
lip balm.
Also, try to avoid applying balm directly
before kissing... slimy lips can be a turn
off. Just make sure it's all absorbed
before getting down to business... and
your lips will be soft, supple, and
oh-so-kissable.
Once your lips are kissable, and you are
in fact kissing... you still can't neglect
them! The lips are the most basic and
important element of kissing, and should
be used to the best of their ability.
Concentrate on feeling the friction
between your lips, how your lips match up,
and how you're moving them. This
overlooked element can add some real zing
to your kissing.
Many terrible kissing experiences are a
direct result of this over-reliance (and
unskilled use of) the tongue. Certainly
the tongue is important to kissing...
after all, what beats a really good deep French
kiss? But tongue use is something best
eased into... and can easily be overdone.
Even really good tongue kisses can benefit
from some variety... usually of the
lip-centered kind. Take a break from
tongue lashing to nibble, caress, lick,
and gently explore your partner's lips.
Notice how good they feel against yours,
and try different things to make them feel
even better. Your lips the building blocks
of great kissing... use them wisely (and
often!)
Kissing Exercise:
Spend part or all of a kissing session
concentrating on just your lips... no
tongues allowed. Slowly slide your lips
together, enjoying the subtle feeling of
each other's skin. Lick, nibble, kiss each
other's mouths... go slow, and really
enjoy the sensations. This exercise should
make you more aware of your lips, and will
add a new layer to your kissing
experience. |
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The Eyes |
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What
do I look at? Eyes open or closed? Do I
look like a fish?
Sadly, we can't really give you a
definitive answer on this one. We do find
it best to keep your eyes open at least
while 'going in' for the kiss, to avoid
unpleasant collisions or total misses.
Though you can often play these off with
lines like "No baby, I really meant
to kiss your eyebrow" it's generally
best to at least try to hit the lips. Once
engaged, however, general decorum usually
calls for closed eyes, at least for
starters. You may find that eyes closed
really helps you concentrate on other
things, like the kiss itself.
Open eyes may just be a way to sneak a
peek at your kissing partner, whether to
gauge their reaction, reassure yourself
that yes, they really ARE that good
looking, or any other reconnaissance. Eyes
full open can also be intense, in sort of
a spiritual connection,
windows-to-the-soul sorta way. Like every
other aspect of kissing, you'll have to
find your own style... but for starters,
eyes closed generally helps with precision
and concentration, two of the most
important aspects for new kissers. |
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Head Movement |
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Coordinating
all the different moving parts of a kiss
can seem pretty overwhelming, and it may
help to you only think about one at a
time. However, a really good kisser
manages to get everything moving at the
same time (lips, tongue, head, teeth)
without any seeming effort. Each of these
aspects should complement each other,
allowing the kiss to be playful or
passionate, coy or demanding, silly or
serious at a moment's notice.
Of course, like everything else,
moderation is generally the key to
success. Frantic head bobbing will only
frighten and confuse your partner, which
can lead to an unsuccessful kissing
experience. This just looks silly, and it
breaks one of our cardinal rules of
kissing: Kiss for the moment, not for what
may come next.
The best idea is generally keep movements
constrained, especially at the beginning
of a kiss - a little can go a long way.
Remember, everything should work together
like a symphony, with you as the
conductor. Coordination is the key. |
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Mindset |
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Once
into the kiss, the proper mindset has a
lot to do with successful kissing. Too
often, the mind starts racing ahead,
wondering where the kiss is leading,
worrying if everything is going right, and
basically messing things up. The single
most important thing to remember is to enjoy
the kiss. This is what it's all
about... the simplest and greatest of
pleasures, the soft friction, the tender
wetness... kissing is great. Possibly the
greatest. So enjoy it.
The best way to quiet the chattering brain
is to simply concentrate on the moment of
the kiss. Really feel what your mouths,
lips, tongues, and bodies are doing. Kiss
as if there is no moment outside of this,
there are no people outside of the 2 of
you. Trust us, your partner will be able
to tell if you are really concentrating,
and will appreciate it even if they aren't
aware.
Once you're really into a kiss, you're
probably already working toward that
middle ground. Depending on how they kiss,
the situation, how you kiss, etc., there
are lots of factors going on. Just work on
adjusting yourself a bit to fit to their
style, while helping them adjust to yours.
If you don't reward the good and
discourage the bad, how will they ever
learn?
Kissing
Exercise: One good way to help
yourselves concentrate on the kiss is to
try to read each other's thoughts (and not
in a neurotic, annoying way) while
kissing. Really try to see into your
partner's mind, and attempt to make a
connection. |
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Feedback |
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Feedback
will allow you to adjust your kissing to
find that optimal middle ground that we're
shooting for. Basically, all we're looking
for is a little communication... usually
non-verbal, since your lips are busy doing
other things. As we all know,
communication is VITAL to any
relationship... and this certainly applies
to the relationship formed when kissing.
It is the responsibility of both kissing
partners to give and receive feedback
during the course of a kiss. This could be
changes in breathing (panting, deep
breathes, gentle whispers), small noises
(moans, sighs, groans), or any other way
to let your partner they are doing
something right... or wrong, for that
matter. This can be a tricky area, since
you should be nice and relaxed, really
into the kiss, and yet able to interpret
what your partner is telling you. When you
are relaxed and enjoying the kissing, it's
generally best to let your small noises,
panting, etc. happen as it may.
Picking up and interpreting your partner's
feedback is just as important as being
free with your own. If their breathing
changes, they make contented little sighs,
or anything that sounds encouraging, be
aware of what you're doing at that time
and either do it more or come back to it.
If they happen to turn a light shade of
blue and all panting ceases, then it might
be time to ease off and allow some of what
we call "breathing time."
Kissing is for the both of you... which
means you've got to do at least as much to
please your partner as to please yourself.
It's a tricky balance of giving and
accepting pleasure... but with practice
(especially with that special someone) it
will become easier and easier. |
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Breathing & Breath
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When
kissing, there is always one simple rule
that must be obeyed: Remember to
breathe! Rest assured, breathe a
little now, & your kissing will go on
a lot longer.
Just take a break to pant a bit, or kiss
their neck, or do a little 'lip dancing'
anything to break the seal of a deep kiss
and fill those lungs. Breathing is
important, so don't forget it.
Bad Breath, the
Bane of Kissing
Of course, the downside of breathing is...
Bad Breath. Bad breath has been the
bane of kissing for as long as kissing has
existed. Luckily, there are many, many
ways these days to conquer this scourge of
romance.
The first, and easiest, way to ensure nice
breathe is regular tooth brushing. This is
a daily habit you should have gotten into
when you were about 3 years old... if you
didn't, then get into it now! There is no
place in our society for those who don't
brush your teeth. Next in line is
brushing's cousin, flossing. This is a
little harder to get to, but equally
important. This is also the sort of
activity that will ensure you still have
teeth when you're 68 years old. Dentures
are NOT a barrier to kissing... but
wouldn't you rather just take care of your
real teeth now?
Once daily maintenance is out of the way,
it's on to washes, mints, and sprays.
Mints:
The most basic of all breath fresheners,
the mint has been around for a very long
time. They are generally easy to use,
discreet, and work about as well as
anything.
Sprays:
Breath sprays generally come in tiny
little aerosol cans, and are sprayed
directly into the mouth when needed. They
can be VERY minty, but can definitely have
a smarmy connotation.. |
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Kiss Tempo
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The
tempo, or 'speed' of a kiss can greatly
affect the overall character of the kiss.
From intense need to slow enjoyment, it's
all dictated by tempo. Generally speaking,
the slower a kiss, the more romantic it
is, while faster kisses tend to be more
passionate. Changing tempo is vital aspect
of good kissing... changing tempo smoothly
and appropriately is a sign of a good
kisser.
When starting a kiss, the rule of thumb is
to start slow. This just makes sense, and
it lets everyone get used to the dynamics
of that particular kiss. A slow start is a
good introduction... and sometimes the
kiss should just stay slow. Jumping into
rapid tongue maneuvers can scare your
partner, and is rude to boot.
A very important thing to learn about
kissing tempo is that variety is the spice
of life. Kisses that stay the same speed
throughout get boring (if you can believe
a boring kiss!)... so keep things
interesting. Gently lick or nibble your
partner's lips, kiss the corners of their
mouth, or just gently brush your lips
together. Once things are slow, speed them
back up! The contrast is the important
thing... tender kisses seem even more
tender if they immediately follow a good
tonsil lashing, and vice versa. Be careful
not to go overboard with speed changes,
but don't be afraid of them either.
Variety is the spice of life... and the
spice of kissing as well. |
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Do'
& Don'ts of Kissing
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Do
gently caress your partner's face.
Don't
octopus your hands all over their body.
Do use your tongue to stimulate.
Don't use your tongue like a jackhammer.
Do notice how your partner reacts to your
kisses.
Don't
notice how cute the guy at the next table
is.
Do communicate with your partner.
Don't
communicate the kiss to everyone in the
locker room.
Do be confident in yourself
Don't
be confident you'll never be kissed
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